on turning twenty three.

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here i am, being twenty three, and it feels different. this is something i haven’t experienced before, not when i turned 16 or 18 or 21. twenty three feels different somehow… i feel older, like i passed the precious, freshly graduated stage and am now going into full-fledged adult responsibility mode. although, i know i am still young (i am told this everyday since i am the ‘baby’ of the office), but it’s not the same young i have been.

before it was naive and innocent young, completely inexperienced to real life young. now it feels more like the kind of young where each decision matters, from how you spend your money to how you spend your free time. the young that people wish they could do again, where they could see their life going differently.

i am the young that decides my fate and my future. i am the young that takes responsibility and demands respect. because i am an adult. i make decisions and i choose my path. and i am ready.

i am ready.


the killers take austin.




the next day valentina and i drove down to austin to see the killers again. i am telling you right now, this was definitely the best life decision i have ever made. my heart and my soul are extremely grateful that i did this, no matter how crazy obsessive it seems.

this night was different than dallas in several ways:

  • valentina and i arrived at an hour and a half early. we even stood in the rain.
  • we were very very close to the stage. closer than i have been in all the times i have seen brandon in the flesh. {six}.
  • i was wearing my brandon t shirt, therefore fully disclosing to the public the committed killers lover that i am.

when they came on, everyone rushed forward, getting us even closer. this happened a few times so by the end we were pressed up against many sweaty, somewhat smokey bodies. like i cared at all.

it was such a rush to see them this second time. to be able to see him singing every single word without looking at a screen. man, the whole time i was thinking how lucky and grateful i was to be able to see one of my favorite people in the entire world right there in front of me.

at the very end we were wondering if he was going to jump in the crowd like he did in dallas. lo and behold, he totally did. valentina grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd to get as close as we possibly could.

now let me tell you something: it is not my goal in life to touch brandon flowers. my goal is to be best friends with him. so if you would have asked me earlier that day if i would try to touch him, i would have said, i don’t know, maybe, i don’t like to get too crazy. but in the moment, in the exhilarating and unreal moment that i realized brandon was right there, i knew that if i didn’t try with everything i had to touch him, i would regret it for the rest of my life.

so try i did. i reached, so hard, i gave it my all, and if he would have reached back, i totally could have high fived him. but, alas, i was not the only one having this thought, and i didn’t touch him. but i was so close! and that is good enough for me.

i was in a little bit of a euphoric trance after that {you can see the immediate effect of all of that on that second to last picture} and after buying a poster {my fourth, it’s fine}, we went out to the car where the fresh air had an interesting effect on me where i got extremely excited again and started to punch dance out my happiness. that was pretty magical.

the killers do weird things to me, you guys. but i’m ok with it. because i love them more than life.


the killers take dallas.

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well the killers finally came to dallas, something i had been waiting for patiently since we bought the tickets on february first. it was pretty perfect. we had actual seats so we got to watch ‘the office’, drive to verizon theatre, and get there about fifteen minutes before they came on stage. sitting through the opening acts is probably something i hate most in this world so it worked out great.

and then our minds were blown. it was so fun being there with shana and valentina who had never seen them live. shana’s reaction to ‘smile like you mean it’, classic. valentina’s reaction to brandon’s face and arms, classic. my reaction to brandon jumping down into the pit amongst the people, unprecedented. {see last photo}.

one of my favorite performances was ‘i think we’re alone now’. wow. basically we dropped dead at the heartbeat. sheesh brandon.


keep your love.

lum lum4 lum1

sometimes it seems like i go to a lot of concerts but really i only go to ones where i actually want to see the group slash person live. in april i saw the lumineers and they did not disappoint. they sounded just as raw, just as classy, and they were so fun to watch perform. i would for sure see them again and i am excited to see what they turn out next.