for the past few months i’ve been focusing a lot on my future. not that it’s a bad thing, it’s just that my focus has been a lot of things i cannot control, no matter how hard i try or plan.
so. i hereby release myself of thinking of anything post-graduation until august.
when people ask me what i’m going to do once i graduate, instead of freaking out [both slightly on the outside and a lot inwardly] i’m just going to say ‘i don’t even know’ and be ok with that answer.
i release myself from bashing on boys and dating.
this is the honest to goodness truth: i don’t date a lot. it’s just how it is. it’s how it has always been. frankly, i’d be slightly weirded out if i started getting asked out on a semi regular basis. but you know what? that’s ok. i’m awesome. i know that and others know that. call me ‘stuck up’ but sometimes that’s just a sore term for ‘confident’. i know things will fall into place when they are supposed to, so for now, i’m just going to enjoy the ride and keep having fun and learning from the amazing people i’ve come in contact with.
i release myself from worrying about my eating habits.
i am a healthy person. my blood pressure, my heart rate, my bmi. i’ve never even been admitted to a hospital. everything about me is extremely healthy. i am lucky to have the body i do and i am lucky to be capable of the things i do. i can walk to work and school everyday, no problem. i can run a five miler, a half marathon. i can even [barely] do yoga. although i always see room for improvement, i don’t want it to consume me. so. my new plan is to eat my fruits and veggies, use portion control and break a sweat for an hour five times a week. no worrying about daily caloric intake or fat intake or how many desserts i’ve had this week. everything will balance out.
i release myself from worrying about money.
such a trivial thing. what do we need it for? to survive. to provide. then. to help others. i’m only one person. i don’t need much to live within my means. there’s a lot i can go without. so from now on i will budget what i need to survive comfortably [not luxuriously] with a little safety net and not worry about the rest.
i’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my life [i feel like i always am] and i felt a need to get it down and out. i always want to be the best me i can be without worry, without stress. this semester, i feel like i have let a lot bog me down and give me an excuse for mediocrity. no longer.
i am ahlin. i love to plan. i love to learn, not so much have the pressure of school weighing on me. i love to run and going to gold’s gym twice in one day makes me feel good. i really love my birthday and get confused when people don’t treat it like it’s the best day of the year. this year i’m turning twenty one. tv shows help me escape and that’s why i get addicted to them. i wish i could wear a v neck, black skinny jeans, my gold sandals and peacock earrings everyday. if i could choose one thing i could get away with it would be not brushing my teeth. or showering. it’s a tie. i have thick red hair and long eyelashes that i love. i destroy songs when i play them on repeat but i like it that way. i’m a control freak when it comes to driving but i am usually able to harness it. i love hanging out with my family more than anything and it breaks my heart when i hear people hate on their own. my friends are my soul mates and they each have a special purpose in my life. i had a dog named bear from when i was ten years old to twenty, when he died. he was my best friend and i still think about him all the time. it doesn’t bother me when people say my name wrong, only when they tell me i should spell it different [um. no.]. i love my religion, even when people think it’s silly. i like having a routine but i can get bored with it easily so my ‘routine’ changes often. it bothers me when people aren’t grateful and complain when they choose not to see the good things all around them. i’ve figured out that i look ‘coolest’ when i’m being myself, not when i’m doing the oh so sly things i think make me look cooler. i make excuses like it’s nobody’s business and i’m trying to change that. it is physically impossible for me to shower in under twenty minutes. i get nervous talking to people, even if it’s just to give them a compliment, which is ridiculous because who doesn’t like a compliment? i treat inanimate objects like they have feelings, to the point where i’ll give up what i actually want if i think it will make an object feel better. cooking and snowboarding are my outlets. i love canada and socal but my dream is to live on the east coast. teal is my favorite color. i rather be hot than cold. i like learning things about myself even if it means writing a huge paragraph on my blog that i probably would never read the whole thing either because, holy crap this thing is long. but that’s me. i am ahlin.

12 thoughts on “candid.

  1. loved this post, I could literally feel the weight lift off your shoulders with every line i read!I honestly have no idea how anyone can shower in under 20 mins!!x

  2. this was amazing.seriously, thanks for that. you've just reinforced my need to destress and not worry about everything so much. everything will be okay. thanks.

  3. you are marvelous! i feel like we have a lot in common from this post… but maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part :) keep being ahlin, because that is a great thing to be! xoxo

  4. Ahlin. Let's go on a date. Yes, I am asking by way of response to a blog post. Forewarnings- I am really bad at doing "date" and really good at talking about myself. If you are down, we can figure out the details later.-George

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